Since the beginning of my DFP program, I had one lingering fear at the back of my mind. It was something that was easy to put on the back burner, but something that is creeping up on me increasingly fast. I have to present my project to hundreds of people during my final week. That’s right… hundreds. I have given numerous presentations throughout my years in school. I have taken a whole public speaking class. I even used to give spiels on one of the most popular rides in the country. You would think that I would have gotten the hang of public speaking by now. You would think wrong!

A little backstory about me is that I grew up with crippling social anxiety. I was the girl who passed out before class presentations or even missed school to avoid presenting. These are not my finest moments! I realized very early on that in the field I was pursuing, I would have to learn how to overcome my anxiety. One of the biggest aspects in any scientific field is communication- you must be willing to present your findings at a moment’s notice. I knew that no matter how far I ran from my fears, they would always catch up to me. So, with time and patience for myself, I was able to get better with my social anxiety and find healthy mechanisms to face my fears rather than avoid them. I want to share those with you.

First and foremost, I refuse to tell you to imagine the crowd in their underwear. It did not work for me, and I do not imagine it will work for you. Unfortunately, I will be telling you something much, much cheesier. Practice! I know that you have been told this time and time again, but I want to tell you once more. I’ve always hated practicing speeches. The truth is, however, that the more practice you get the more comfortable you get with your presentation. Even if your mind goes completely blank, your heart starts racing, and you can’t even remember how to say your name properly, your mind will instinctively start reciting the words you have practiced. This can be especially helpful when you feel like you are functioning in autopilot. As simple as it may sound, practice is key!

Some other tips include having presentation notes and wearing comfortable, but professional clothing. You will feel much more prepared if you can quickly refer to an outline and if you are dressed to command the room. Now don’t get me wrong, if you are an anxious speaker these tips will not make you stop being anxious. These tips are more of a way to cope with anxiety rather than cure it. I wish you all the luck in your future presentations!

Agency: U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service

Program: US Fish & Wildlife Service - DFP

Location: Sacramento Regional Office

Growing up a visual learner, movies and television played a vital role in fueling my passion for become a wildlife biologist. I was entranced with tales of saving rare macaws from being smuggled in Brazil, rescuing gray whales trapped in ice in Alaska, and meeting a shaman in Africa who grants me powers to talk to animals (if you know you know). I was shown all the best parts of becoming an ecologist but it did not paint a full picture of the job. When people picture wildlife biologists, they picture jungle, bug bites and hiking boots. What they do not picture, is laptop screens and blue light glasses. I want to shed light on the behind the scenes work of conservation and how it is some of the most important work that is being done

I have talked to many people about their job positions time and time again. I have asked their passions, goals, and favorite parts of the job. What I found out is that most ecologist are born from a passion for our environment; they fell in love with the green of the trees, the feeling of the wind, and the choruses of the birds. Of course, the dream for a lot of us is to have a position where we can be outside enjoying these wonders. Unfortunately, not everyone can have one of these positions. The told and tried truth is that less and less of these field positions are becoming available. The office is where data analysis happens. The office is where meetings to discuss regulatory laws happen. The office is where research proposals are written. It may seem contradicting, but some of the best work for the environment is being done from inside!

I must admit, when I first found out my project was fully online, I was a little upset. I had visions of trekking through the California mountains capturing these cool species and seeing all these different horizons. I have been working remotely on my DFP project for the past two months now. My day is always the same; I get ready, walk to my living room, set up my laptop, and stay there until the day’s work is over. I know it sounds somber and, while it is not as I had envisioned, I love it all the same. Everyday, I get to watch my project expand as more and more information is gathered. While I have not been able to physically participate in the work, it has been great to see the ways in which my project will help answer impactful research questions. I think that more awareness should be spread about the technological side of ecology; it is just as wonderful and beautiful as the physical side!

Agency: U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service

Program: US Fish & Wildlife Service - DFP

Location: Sacramento Regional Office

When I first accepted my position as a USFWS DFP Fellow I did not realized the magnitude of the program. To me, it was a cool summer position I was lucky enough to receive. I want to really highlight the use of the word lucky here. I never thought about the implications that the word lucky held and how much I have used it to cloud my achievements. I was lucky I passed the exam that I studied hours for; I was lucky I got that job that I spent years gaining experience for; I was lucky I got that scholarship that I poured my heart into. In all actuality, I was not lucky… I worked hard for all of these achievements. To use the word lucky was to undermine my success and it was ultimately the steppingstone to what I have felt during my first week of my fellowship: imposter syndrome.

I wanted to talk about imposter syndrome because it is something that has affected me so personally in many aspects of my life. Imposter syndrome is the persistent inability to believe that your success is deserved. While it is not considered a mental disorder, it is very much a mental phenomenon that can cause real symptoms such as lack of self-confidence, increased anxiety, and self-sabotage. It does not just extend to personal achievements; however, there is also such a thing as racial imposter syndrome. As a multi-ethnic person, I can give a first hand basis of how damaging this type of imposter syndrome can be. My whole life I have been both “too much” and “not enough”; I am too different from either ethnicity to be considered a true member of their communities. I have been told that I only want to be either ethnicity when it benefits me. I have been told that the only reason I was accepted to such a reputable college is because they wanted to increase their diversity rates and I checked the box, as if it wasn’t half of myself that I could truly claim. It came to the point where I actually started questioning the right for me to claim my Latino roots; I almost didn’t apply for my fellowship under HAF because I felt like I was taking the opportunity away from a “true” person of color. If I had not let myself apply, I would not be here writing this post today and I think that is why it is so important to talk about beating this mindset.

Even after the first day of orientation for my fellowship I was letting imposter syndrome hitchhike on my back. Even as I am typing these words, I am allowing it to reside in my mind. Sometimes I beat myself up for allowing myself to stay in this headspace so long. If I learned anything from my week of orientation, however, is that I am not alone. When asked about their feelings towards their upcoming projects, the majority of my cohort said they were feeling also feeling the grip of imposter syndrome. At that moment I realized how common it is and how important it is to talk about. If you are feeling stuck thinking you are unworthy of your success, I want you to know that many of us feel the same way and many of us are wrong. There is a reason why you were selected to be where you are now. Do not feel guilty for being yourself and do not be scared to celebrate your accomplishments. Most importantly, do not let these thoughts of unworthiness be what stops you from attempting to reach your goals. You are exactly who you are meant to be and exactly where you are meant to be.

Agency: U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service

Program: US Fish & Wildlife Service - DFP

Location: Sacramento Regional Office

Hailey Carrillo is finishing her final year at the University of Florida where she is majoring in Wildlife Ecology and Conservation. Her passion for the environment stemmed from her childhood growing up on the beaches of South Florida. Inspired by her experiences of being raised by a single parent, Hailey hopes to inspire people from underrepresented backgrounds to have a voice in the scientific field. She has interned at Disney and the South Florida Wildlife center and has also gained experience in environmental education by volunteering at her local museum. In the future, Hailey dreams of continuing her passion for ecology by working with manatee populations at Epcot Seas and eventually returning to school for her master’s degree in ecology. In her free time, she loves to knit, play volleyball, and paint.